Do you know the feeling that every action you make is false
or inappropriate in other person’s eyes? Do you know the feeling that even how
hard you try to accomplish great things it always turns out to be a bad one?
And lastly do you know the feeling that even though you did not do anything
improper, someone will always yell at you?
All
those above mentioned questions are quite exaggerated but kindly give me
consideration for it is just my way of pouring out my emotions.
I
always believe that I can control my tears from flowing no matter how worse
that situation might be. I always believe that no one could make me cry by
telling criticisms and hurting my emotions. But that was just my own thinking.
May 13,
2012, Sunday. Today were suppose to go to a beach resort with my family and
relatives out of my uncle’s request. I told my parents that I do not want to go
for its pretty tiresome to travel (so lame right?) but eventually I decided to
join. We are still at our house by that time and I was asking my mother (happy
mother’s day mama) if she texted her sister if we could have a ride in their
car. Then suddenly, my father told me that “if you don’t want to come, then do
not come!” (in vernacular) with a rising tone. “It pisses me off forcing
someone to come if he do not want to!” (still in vernacular) he added. I was stunned and been silent for a while
until my eyes started to pour tears, I tried to contain it but it was just too
much, so I hurriedly ran to my room and cried a lot there. After that, my mama
knocked on my door and asked for us to go because my uncle was already waiting
outside. I told mama that I won’t be joining anymore. With tears still flowing
from my eyes, I hugged my mother very tight to find comfort and told her that I
will be alright. So they left without me and went to the said beach.
Although
it is not always like that, but my father have this tendency to speak up what
comes into his mind. He doesn’t filter his words (like I do). With regards to
that, he always speaks up hurtful words every time he is angry or when he is
frustrated.
But no
matter how imperfect my father can be, he is still my father. He is one of the
reasons why I am existing in this world. All I have to do is lower down my
pride and continue to understand, love and honor him in every way possible.
I wanted to take a picture of me while crying, unfortunately
my sister took the camera with them (haha).
